Imagined Dream
* 是那篇【愚世愚】杏黄色 的英文翻译（真的会有人看吗），自己纯手动翻译的，水平渣。
* 心理学老师布置了一篇关于心理疾病的作文任务，于是我就把这篇交上去了，振振有词说是《分离性身份识别障碍》【1】的文章。（我好勇啊，交同人文）
* 因为用“祂”容易踩雷，就都换成“她”了。
* 和诡秘没什么关系，就不打tag了。
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我从未见过她，也未曾听过她的声音，但我认识她，更是确定她的存在。纵然我周围的人更是无从知晓她。
I had never seen her or heard her voice, but I knew her and knew her existence. Even none of the people around me know her.
初次见面时我格外狼狈，她仿佛是从天而降的天使，散发着温暖且安心的光芒。她替我解了围，并莞尔一笑。「会过去的。」我好像听见了她这样对我说道。
The first time I met her, I was very embarrassed and intranquil. She seemed to be an angel from the sky, radiating warm and reassuring light. She came to give me relief and smiled at me: "It will pass." I thought I heard her say that to me, and then she disappeared.
我垂眸颔首，双手覆盖在心口上，那里还残留着她带给我的温度，使我微微有些失神。她是那么的强大、自信、充满了生命的活力，如同天边那轮光芒万丈的曜日。多久没有看到过这样的光芒了啊，我恍恍惚惚地想着。周遭充斥着无尽的昏暗与混乱，她却满身的希望与光明，强势地劈入进我的世界。如果说我是万丈海底捂不化的坚冰、森林深处无人知晓的枯朽古树，她就是那飞舞跳跃的高温烈焰，那的不可泯然众人璀璨金石。
I bowed my head, both hands covered in the heart where still remained her temperature brought to me, making me slightly distracted. Shewas so strong, confident, full of life, as bright as the sun on the horizon. Howlong I hasn't seen such a light, I thought in a trance. In the endless darkness and chaos, she was full of hope and light, trespassed into my world. If I was the ice at the bottom of the sea, or the decaying tree in the depths of theforest, she would be the flame that dances and leaps, the shining gold.
我不禁懦弱地幻想着，如果她能杀死我，并替代我就好了。
I could not stop imagining that it is better if she could kill me and take my place.
我遇见她的次数屈指可数，而且每次都是我堪堪吊在悬崖边上，处于崩溃的界线时，她轻轻一推，将我留在了人间。这短暂相逢对我来说已经弥足珍贵，因为她为我带来了新生，照亮了四周。她的存在告诉了我，我不是一个人。我把自己一分为二，互相取暖，从此有了依靠。我的灵魂有了陪伴，我的心有了归处。我知道，她是我停留在此处的唯一执念。
As time flies, I met her only a handful of times,and every time I was like hanging on the edge of a cliff, on the verge of collapse. She gave me a nudge and left me in the world. This brief meeting was precious to me because she brought me new life and lit up all around. Her existence told me that I am not alone. I split my soul in two to keep each other warm and to rely on. My soul has a company, and my heart has a home. I know she's the only thing that can leave me to stay here.
吾心安处，是吾乡。
Where she stays and brings me peace is my hometown.
除去她的存在，我不再能感受快乐，而我紧紧依附着唯一的极乐，仿佛是只冷血动物，依靠着他人的热量苟延残喘。现在，她赐予我的温度迅速退去，指尖已经开始发凉。
I cannot feel any pleasure excepting her appearing, and I cling to this enjoyment, like a cold-blooded animal, dependent on the heat of others to survive. Now, the warmth she gave me is fading fast, and myfingertips are beginning to get cold.
她会离开我吗？还是会永远地陪伴着我？
Will she leave me? Or will it stay with me forever?
我不止一遍问过自己，这是梦吗？
More than once I asked myself, is this a dream?
我苦笑着，突然有些怀疑自己的记忆了。也许那段美好的、关于她的记忆其实都只是我的臆想，如梦幻如泡影，而现实的我其实还同以前那般孑然一身？
I smiled ruefully and suddenly started to doubt my memory. Maybe the beautiful memory about her is actually just my imagination, such as a dream, and the reality of me is still alone as before?
我不能够证明哪些才是真的。我所拥有的，为了把自己保护起来的被自己无数次篡改过的记忆，连自己都理不清，又怎么能相信其他人的存在呢？
I cannot prove which is true. All I have, is the countless tampered memories in order to protect me. I can't even make sense of myself, and how can I believe in the existence of others?
是梦吧。
Is a dream.
即使是梦，我也希望可以继续下去，永远不要醒来。我怕醒来直面现实的噩梦。我更怕她有一天将悄无声息地消失，仿佛从未存在出现过，徒留我一人在残缺的梦境里深陷痴狂。
Even if it is a dream, I wish I could go on andnever wake up. I'm afraid of waking up to face the nightmare of reality. I am more afraid that one day she will quietly disappear, as if she had never beenthere, leaving me alone in a broken dream.
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这个账号的第一百篇发布，纪念一下。
【1】科普：分离性身份识别障碍（DID，Dissociative Identity Disorder），是一种心因性精神障碍，以前称为多重人格障碍( MPD )，容易和精神分裂症（Schizophrenia，精神疾病，患者语言混乱、异常行为，以及不能理解什么是真实的，妄想、幻觉、幻听、社会参与和情绪表达的程度减少，以及缺乏动机）搞混。
每一个人格可以有不同的性别、年龄、种族，甚至物种，都是稳定、发展完整、拥有个别思考模式和记忆的。
“并存意识”（co-consciousness）知道彼此的存在，可内部沟通。若无，可外部会议（本子记录，视频）。若没有察觉到彼此的存在，会导致严重的“遗失时间”“记忆断层”现象，但分裂出的人格中往往会有一个是知道所有事的。多重人格患者发生记忆断层或人格强硬地想出现时有可能伴随强烈的头痛。
原人格不一定是主人格，虽然原人格通常也会是主人格。原人格即未产生多重人格前的原始人格，而主人格则是在平常大部分时间主宰身体的人格。
